Happy Skanksgiving

My precious nephew couldn't pronounce "Thanksgiving" a couple years ago.  I think it's funny enough to keep around for a few more years. 

My roommate and I drove in to Montana last night to spend the next few days with my mama.  On the drive up we braved icy roads, witnessed a few cars slip into snow banks, and misread snow-covered road signs as warnings for things like "upside down bears." Needless to say, it was an entertaining and treacherous 6 hours, but we are here.

Stole this picture from said rommate's instagram ;)

While distracting ourselves from the anxiety on the drive, we talked about the little things we are grateful for, for the the things that make us grateful every day.  Some of my faves:

 

Candles that smell better than the real thing they are supposed to smell like

The first time you run a knife through a smooth new jar of peanut butter

 

A perfect milk to cereal ratio at the end of the bowl

 

Foam soap. Honestly, who doesn't love this stuff??

 Waking up to a fresh blanket of white on the ground and on the tree branches.  I've grown up in the snow but I promise this will never get old.

The list goes on...and on..and on. We feared for our lives for a few hours so the distraction was more than welcomed.  It was a sweet time to reflect on the little things that go seemingly unnoticed throughout our days.

We are forever in the hands of a loving God. That in itself is more than enough reason to be thankful, but how nice of Him to pour out His blessings on us in the form of little things that make us smile every day.

::Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever::

Psalm 136:1

Superficial post.

Cuz I'm allowed.

Tonight this movie made me cry.

Burn baby burn.

It's ok. I saw you roll your eyes at the lame title.  And you're welcome for the awful disco anthem now stuck in your head.

But in all seriousness, it's about to get real for a minute.

Truth: I've been burned by the church. Badly.  I've stood at the edge with the intention of throwing away everything I've learned to be true because the truth tellers were hypocrites, liars, cheaters...and well, human. In a matter of months, it was a path of destruction and sin because if they were walking that way...I was walking the other.

My mom has confessed countless nights, crying and praying on her knees for God to change me.  While there is heartbreak for the grief I've caused, I'm more overtaken with the miracle that ensued in the years to follow.  I'll forever stand behind the power of an Almighty God because I've seen, felt, and witnessed the actual life change that happens when we give it all to Him--in this case, my mama's plea and dedication to pray for God to take over.  The past six years have been a series of prayers over my soul, of miracles done in my life, and of God ripping me out of the depths of darkness.

One major instrument in the rebuilding? He used people to LOVE me beyond my brokenness.  People who were willing to look past the fact that I "knew better." People who were going to live life with me despite the mistakes that had been made.  Because if we really  take a good hard look at our lives, when did our sin become less of a sin than the sin of any other person?

And so my heart breaks for those who have been burned by the church--by the Christians who claim to follow Christ but are clearly not walking in His steps of love and grace and mercy.  And the reality is that we've all been on either side of the system.  We hurt. I mean we all hurt.  We, as people, hurt.  And we hurt people.  But isn't it time that we act by the Love that saved us?  I'm not advocating a relationship that lets "everything slide," but I am advocating caring for those who are hurting, telling the Truth in love, praying for our brothers and sisters on a daily basis, helping to pick up the broken pieces...even when we know how they got there.  Because that's the Love that we've been given.  Love that became that tangible, that deep, that weighty...to save your soul. If that's not motivation, I'm not sure what is.

 

::For the love of Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and there all died.  And he died for all, that those who love should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again:: 
2 Corinthians 5:14-15

And the answers to the prayers I'm talking about?  The ones that showed me what it truly means to be loved and convicted apart from judgment and condemnation?  Wellllll, they look a lil something like this....

 

See? All you need is Love (you're welcome, again).

Reasons why I'm not complaining today.

In all honesty, the past couple weeks have rough. I mean tragedy, heartbreak, brokenness rough. It's hard to go through days like those and not just yearn for a place with no more sorrow, pain, or suffering. But fortunately for us, in the midst of all of the junk, we come face to face with a loving God who is willing and ready to take our burdens from us. All we need to do is surrender. Easier said than done....but I'm learning that it's ok to take small steps in letting go of the control that we pretend we have. And a small step is better than no step at all. So a step in my surrendering, acknowledging the goodness in the every day. Because the more that I realize that God has every.thing. under control the more I learn to appreciate how good He continues to be.

These are clearly not high quality pictures here, but I'm definitely ok with seeing this as I get to school every morning. I'm convinced that Salt Lake Valley is one of the most beautiful places I've been privileged to call home. New mercies. Snow capped mountains, beautiful city lights, a reminder that God is in control of everything even while we sleep.

Despite the fact that this pile continues to grow with papers to be graded over the weekend, I'm so grateful for my job. I'm grateful for incredible coworkers that are real people, who aren't afraid to talk about real life, and who force me to ditch my pile of work to go see terrible movies with them. I'm grateful for the 200 kids that make me laugh so hard I cry almost every day. I'm grateful for the kids that come in before and after school, during lunch, in between classes just to tell me they made the basketball team, that they got into their dream school, to tell me they missed me on their two week vacation in Florida (I still don't completely buy this one, but it made me smile anyway), just to say hi, or even just to know that they have some place safe to go, to sit and cry and laugh, and to remind me that, for this season and for right now, God has me exactly where He wants me.

Is this getting redundant yet? This is where the magic happens. Or really where sometimes I feel like each kid in each of these desks is actually teaching me something every day.

And obviously this. Anybody who knows me knows that this actually does have the ability to make any bad day much better.

And this album by The Workday Release that has been on repeat all week.

Here's to hoping and praying that the weeks get better...and knowing that if they don't we're still a part of a greater God's greater plan. Here's to knowing that ::Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change:: 
James 1:17

An unchanging, good, gracious, loving Father whose plans are better than mine. That's Hope I can rest in for the days to come.

God's never late.

YIKES. A hiatus of sorts. I seemed to have forgotten about this blog. A reasonable excuse is that a week after my last (and I realize, only the second) post, God started to move in big ways...and at a ridiculous speed.

So now I'm here. "Here" being in my classroom. My very own classroom. I teach high school English now. I'm a high school English teacher. I've only actually said that a handful of times, and even in writing it still feels new. The journey to "here" is a long one, so I'll spare you the details. The truth is that I had given up, was angry with God for not answering my prayers on my own terms, and had pretty much packed my bags to move (again). But I was wrong. Moral of the story? God's never late.

::But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.  The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance:: 
2 Peter 3:8-9

And I know that my life on this earth is going to be a series of unknowns, of expecting God to move when and how I think He should...and every time He'll prove me wrong. And I hate being wrong, but I'd really hate to follow a God who isn't always right.

Home is where the heart is.

Home.

Currently, this entry is coming to you from the living room condo in Montana. My mom lives here. Half the time. My sisters live here. Sometimes. My heart is here every once in a while.

My dad lives in Colorado in the house that was home until I was 17. My mom lives there. Half the time. My sisters live there. Sometimes. My heart wasn't there for a long time, but I think it often takes a break from my physical self and runs back there.

One summer, I lived in South Korea for three months. Every once in a while I wake up wishing I was there again. If I was braver, I would have considered living there again. My heart is there in a big way, but only sometimes.

I left Southern California with a heart full of bitterness and nothing but a "good riddance" attitude as I packed my car to leave for Montana six months ago. For the most part, I felt like a fish out of water there. The smog, the traffic, the heat, the palm trees...not for me. I realized I just wasn't cut out for LA. I ashamedly admit my attitude towards California continues to get worse and worse and I'm still glad that I left. But I did leave a huge piece of my heart there. I left behind a place of growth, of life change, and of irreplaceable friendships. Fine. My heart is partly in California. Sometimes.

Utah has been home for almost two years now. Had someone told me two and half years ago that I would move to Salt Lake, I would have laughed. But God broke my heart in a major way over a spring break trip in college. A spring break trip turned into a summer internship turned into a heart broken for the lost in Utah.

The tail end of college was spent trying to figure out how to end up in Utah. It seemed that God had given me the go ahead in May, a month ago. So now I'm here, but still planless and trusting, hoping that this is really where God wants me.

But in the end, I'm starting to realize that if not...it's ok. My heart is forever swayed by circumstances. Earthly circumstances. My residency is eternal in a home with a Father who continues to tend to my every need. That...I can live with...where ever.

::For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens::
2 Corinthians 5:1

First time for everything.

Well, I guess in this case a million firsts for some things. This is one of many "first" blog post. I have created, posted, loved, hated, and eventually deleted and sometimes successfully archived at least twenty different blogs. Each has served as a means for remembering the past 8 years- through high school and college and now into whatever this "next step" happens to be.

This "first" happens to catch me as a college graduate completely unsure as to what God has next. But if I've learned anything through keeping track of His fingerprints all over my life, it's that His faithfulness never fails. What better way to be grateful and expectant than to purposefully, intentionally keep track of how He holds me through every step of this particular stage of life.

So a quick game of catch up:

• May 2010 meant college graduation...yikes. I now hold a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Secondary Education and a minor in biblical studies from Biola University. Saying it with that many words just makes it sounds more legit than it actually is.



• January 2011 meant completing student teaching at Downey High School and an official license to teach.



• May 2011 meant the end of four months in Big Sky, Montana helping my family's restaurant.



• June 2011 meant moving to Utah. A place that has had my heart for so long.

And now, an official resident of Utah. Jobless and planless, but hopeful and trusting. Lucky me, my God is a God with a plan bigger than anything I can ever hope or imagine.

::And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose::
Romans 8:28

::Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly that all we ask or think,  according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen::
Ephesians 4:20-21